Now in Bite Size!!!

I've made a new blog.
I've been inspired by others who blog in small snippets.
When I have more time or want to write more I'll still post here, but in the meantime...

Kids Are Like Soldiers

They thrive on a regime.

They say that toddlers do best on a repetitive concrete schedule for their daily lives. But this is also true of really little ones. At least this is very true of my kiddos. Zman took to his schedule from the start.

SweetPea appears to be the same. She's currently teething and around the time of a growth spurt, and she's still sticking to her routine pretty well. When she does wake in the night she eats quickly and nods back off within 15 minutes.

When either of them get thrown off their schedule, a couple days of diligence brings them right back.

I believe this will be beneficial when I go back to work on Monday. The more they stick to routine with me, the more they will at daycare. That should mean their moods should be easy to anticipate.

So as much as I'm all for free love and self guided play, you'll find me with my general's hat on at 7, 11:30, 1, 3 and 7:15 :)

Hard Thoughts

I've begun to worry lately that I'm more like my mother than I really want to be.

I pride myself on being a loving, nurturing mom, and my mother was too... at first. But more and more as I have spent 2 months at home with both the kids I have seen behaviors slip out that act like warning shots.

MDH mentioned to me a little while ago how this blog I set up to explore being a SAHM hasn't had much SAHM stuff in it. As I thought about why that was, I came to a startling discovery. I hadn't written about the experience because I dislike discussing or even thinking about things I'm not good at. I do not feel I'm very good at being a SAHM.

In those moments when I am overheated, exasperated, have answered "why?" until I'm hoarse, I snap. I will repeat a command in a neutral voice a few times and when it is still ignored, I snap. MDH refers to it as "going from 0 to 60" and the next time I ask, I'm yelling.

The longer I am home alone with them, the shorter my fuse becomes. I can hear the strain in my voice, the "I really don't want to be talking to you right now" tone that I immediately regret, but that I'm having so much trouble curbing. Worse still, once I start yelling, more of what I say comes out as a yell.

These are traits I remember my mother possessing, and it worries me.

To be perfectly clear, although I do not feel I'm good at being a SAHM, I do feel (rather conceitedly) that I AM a great mother. I just wish I could be better. I think its probably healthy to always strive to better yourself. If I thought I was perfect, I'd be dead wrong.

So I'm not looking for an ego boost here, just thinking about how I want things to be and ruminating on the subconscious influences of parents.

I've debated putting this post up, its been mostly composed for almost 2 weeks now. But as I got back into the swing of things today (plus dealing with a congested 3 month old while fighting a headcold of my own) it really made me think about the more exhausting parts of being a mom. Most of my posts have been about the positive aspects of mommyhood. So this one is a little glimpse at the other side.

And I'll end this on a positive note... I pledge to try every day to do better for my kids, no matter how exasperated I feel :)

Hard Core Cloth Diapering

While on vacation in northern Maine I became insanely grateful for the new washer we got a year ago. Our cabin has running water in the summer months thanks to a pump that pulls water up from the lake (which coincidently decided to up and die a few days before we left so now we have a sparkly new one) but the washing machine there is not wired for hot water.

Those of you familiar with the mess that is baby poo are probably now cringing at the idea of a baby wearing a diaper that has only been washed in cold water. Since I couldn't stomach the thought of my daughter in an unsanitary diaper I resolved to hand wash the diapers in water I boiled on the stove.

I did the process a total of 3 times while we were there for 9 days. I took the soiled diapers out to the side lawn and sprayed off the diapers with the hose, effectively rinsing them.

While I was doing this, I had a stock pot of water boiling on the stove. I would take the pot outside when I was done rinsing and pour 3 tbsp of Rock in Green detergent and a scoop of All plus oxy into the hot water and add the diapers. I swished them around and let them soak for a while while the water cooled down.

After the water was cool enough for my hardened hands to touch I would ring out the diapers and stack them to bring inside. I then ran them through the wash without adding soap.

Twice they had to go in the dryer due to rain, but once I was able to hang them out in the sun. They were stiff but stain free after that.

So that is my tale of what it means to be a hard core cloth diaperer :)

Baby Wearing Keeps Me Sane

I thought I loved my slings with Zman, but it was just a pale comparison to how much I adore being able to wear SweetPea.

Around the house I will pop her in a sling so that I can get cleaning, cooking or laundry done. This is the only way I can get these things done when Zman is home too. He's just a bit too excited about her and forgets she's fragile in his desire to interact with her.

But my love of babywearing isn't just a private thing. I find it so much better to be able to wear her while we are out shopping, walking or even hiking. I even wore her out to a lighthouse in the Bay of Fundy that was only accessible by a climb up and down rocks exposed at low tide. I was particularly proud of that :)

I've got 3 types of sling right now, 3 pocket slings, a Maya wrap and a moby. I use the pocket ones for simple walking, the maya for discreet public breastfeeding and the moby for vigorous activity. The moby is actually SweetPea's favorite as she's still at the stage where she likes to snuggle in and hug me.

I've even begun looking into what carry system I want next for when she's not as secure/comfortable in what I have now. I even snagged a snugli real cheap at Target on Friday, which allows me to wear her facing out... I guess that makes 4 types now, lol.

If only she could stay this little ;)

Sisterhood of the Traveling Texts

I think that the smartphone might be my favorite invention of the 21st century (I know, still a relatively young century).

I love my ability to type on it with one hand while rocking an infant, nursing her. Heck, its what enables me to post on this blog.

Today I used my favorite medium to connect with my sister, Cyndi. It never ceases to amaze me how alike we are despite our differences. There are 3 1/2 years between our ages, so we experienced our childhood events from 2 different stages of life, and growing up we butted heads more often than not.

But as adults our paths have been remarkably similar. We both married the tall, lanky, reserved, witty guys we dated in high school. Those same guys keep us level and insure our sanity when we are wont to take a trip to overreactionville. We both went to college, studied English, and pursued (or are pursuing --go Cyn, you can do it) Master's Degrees, and our careers involve molding young minds with those very courses of study.

Our childhood is never going to win any awards, but the obstacles we were forced to overcome have molded us to be resilient, stronghearted women. We both struggle with weight and body image issues, (but really, these days-- who doesn't?) But the core components of our personalities are compatible.

So, to make a long story short, I'm grateful for my little sister and for the bond that we are able to enjoy as adults. I think she's a pretty cool cat.

So I know it's father's day weekend, but those of you lucky enough to have a sister (or a half dozen of them, or even sisters of the heart) take a moment to hug them and tell them how happy you are they are in your life.

Poo Whisperer aka Baby Guided Breastfeeding & Allergen Testing

For the last week and a half I have been restricting my diet and hovering over my daughter's poo like it holds the secrets of the known universe.
It has been frustrating trying to decipher what's bothering her when I cannot communicate with her about what is going on inside her. All I get are messages in a bottle :)

It's especially disheartening when she is colicky and in distress, I try to let her know through tone and body language that I understand something isn't right and that I am trying to help her. But watching as she squirms and fails her arms around while trying to nurse just breaks my heart.

I had actually forgotten how pathetic she looked earlier last week, and how anxious and sorry it made me (I did eat the offending food, afterall). That is, until last night's episode and tonight.

I had forgotten because after 4 days off of eggs, soy and dairy she turned back to normal. Her poo was the right color, her eczema wasn't inflamed anymore and she slept 6-8 hours at night. This weekend felt good and I was excited to change her diaper and see the message of success.

But on Monday I tested eggs as our first food challenge. I had them for dinner Monday night and for lunch on Tuesday. By Tuesday night, the colickiness was back. This afternoon and evening the poo was back to icky mucousy green, and as I type this she is trying to nurse while squirming like a fish on a hook.

I am trying to let her guide when she eats and for how long. When the evil green poo first appeared it looked like a classic case of foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, so I stopped waking her up to eat and decided to be at her beck and call regarding feedings. This has been working out and I've enjoyed her schedule. But until I changed my diet the evil poo did not go away.

So yeah, I feel like this post is scattered, but I hadn't wrote in a while and I wanted to get an update out. I think she's allergic to eggs and I won't be eating any for a while and hope she will feel better by the weekend.

That's it for now as she just spit up all over me, Ahh... motherhood.