Now in Bite Size!!!

I've made a new blog.
I've been inspired by others who blog in small snippets.
When I have more time or want to write more I'll still post here, but in the meantime...

Kids Are Like Soldiers

They thrive on a regime.

They say that toddlers do best on a repetitive concrete schedule for their daily lives. But this is also true of really little ones. At least this is very true of my kiddos. Zman took to his schedule from the start.

SweetPea appears to be the same. She's currently teething and around the time of a growth spurt, and she's still sticking to her routine pretty well. When she does wake in the night she eats quickly and nods back off within 15 minutes.

When either of them get thrown off their schedule, a couple days of diligence brings them right back.

I believe this will be beneficial when I go back to work on Monday. The more they stick to routine with me, the more they will at daycare. That should mean their moods should be easy to anticipate.

So as much as I'm all for free love and self guided play, you'll find me with my general's hat on at 7, 11:30, 1, 3 and 7:15 :)

Hard Thoughts

I've begun to worry lately that I'm more like my mother than I really want to be.

I pride myself on being a loving, nurturing mom, and my mother was too... at first. But more and more as I have spent 2 months at home with both the kids I have seen behaviors slip out that act like warning shots.

MDH mentioned to me a little while ago how this blog I set up to explore being a SAHM hasn't had much SAHM stuff in it. As I thought about why that was, I came to a startling discovery. I hadn't written about the experience because I dislike discussing or even thinking about things I'm not good at. I do not feel I'm very good at being a SAHM.

In those moments when I am overheated, exasperated, have answered "why?" until I'm hoarse, I snap. I will repeat a command in a neutral voice a few times and when it is still ignored, I snap. MDH refers to it as "going from 0 to 60" and the next time I ask, I'm yelling.

The longer I am home alone with them, the shorter my fuse becomes. I can hear the strain in my voice, the "I really don't want to be talking to you right now" tone that I immediately regret, but that I'm having so much trouble curbing. Worse still, once I start yelling, more of what I say comes out as a yell.

These are traits I remember my mother possessing, and it worries me.

To be perfectly clear, although I do not feel I'm good at being a SAHM, I do feel (rather conceitedly) that I AM a great mother. I just wish I could be better. I think its probably healthy to always strive to better yourself. If I thought I was perfect, I'd be dead wrong.

So I'm not looking for an ego boost here, just thinking about how I want things to be and ruminating on the subconscious influences of parents.

I've debated putting this post up, its been mostly composed for almost 2 weeks now. But as I got back into the swing of things today (plus dealing with a congested 3 month old while fighting a headcold of my own) it really made me think about the more exhausting parts of being a mom. Most of my posts have been about the positive aspects of mommyhood. So this one is a little glimpse at the other side.

And I'll end this on a positive note... I pledge to try every day to do better for my kids, no matter how exasperated I feel :)

Hard Core Cloth Diapering

While on vacation in northern Maine I became insanely grateful for the new washer we got a year ago. Our cabin has running water in the summer months thanks to a pump that pulls water up from the lake (which coincidently decided to up and die a few days before we left so now we have a sparkly new one) but the washing machine there is not wired for hot water.

Those of you familiar with the mess that is baby poo are probably now cringing at the idea of a baby wearing a diaper that has only been washed in cold water. Since I couldn't stomach the thought of my daughter in an unsanitary diaper I resolved to hand wash the diapers in water I boiled on the stove.

I did the process a total of 3 times while we were there for 9 days. I took the soiled diapers out to the side lawn and sprayed off the diapers with the hose, effectively rinsing them.

While I was doing this, I had a stock pot of water boiling on the stove. I would take the pot outside when I was done rinsing and pour 3 tbsp of Rock in Green detergent and a scoop of All plus oxy into the hot water and add the diapers. I swished them around and let them soak for a while while the water cooled down.

After the water was cool enough for my hardened hands to touch I would ring out the diapers and stack them to bring inside. I then ran them through the wash without adding soap.

Twice they had to go in the dryer due to rain, but once I was able to hang them out in the sun. They were stiff but stain free after that.

So that is my tale of what it means to be a hard core cloth diaperer :)

Baby Wearing Keeps Me Sane

I thought I loved my slings with Zman, but it was just a pale comparison to how much I adore being able to wear SweetPea.

Around the house I will pop her in a sling so that I can get cleaning, cooking or laundry done. This is the only way I can get these things done when Zman is home too. He's just a bit too excited about her and forgets she's fragile in his desire to interact with her.

But my love of babywearing isn't just a private thing. I find it so much better to be able to wear her while we are out shopping, walking or even hiking. I even wore her out to a lighthouse in the Bay of Fundy that was only accessible by a climb up and down rocks exposed at low tide. I was particularly proud of that :)

I've got 3 types of sling right now, 3 pocket slings, a Maya wrap and a moby. I use the pocket ones for simple walking, the maya for discreet public breastfeeding and the moby for vigorous activity. The moby is actually SweetPea's favorite as she's still at the stage where she likes to snuggle in and hug me.

I've even begun looking into what carry system I want next for when she's not as secure/comfortable in what I have now. I even snagged a snugli real cheap at Target on Friday, which allows me to wear her facing out... I guess that makes 4 types now, lol.

If only she could stay this little ;)

Sisterhood of the Traveling Texts

I think that the smartphone might be my favorite invention of the 21st century (I know, still a relatively young century).

I love my ability to type on it with one hand while rocking an infant, nursing her. Heck, its what enables me to post on this blog.

Today I used my favorite medium to connect with my sister, Cyndi. It never ceases to amaze me how alike we are despite our differences. There are 3 1/2 years between our ages, so we experienced our childhood events from 2 different stages of life, and growing up we butted heads more often than not.

But as adults our paths have been remarkably similar. We both married the tall, lanky, reserved, witty guys we dated in high school. Those same guys keep us level and insure our sanity when we are wont to take a trip to overreactionville. We both went to college, studied English, and pursued (or are pursuing --go Cyn, you can do it) Master's Degrees, and our careers involve molding young minds with those very courses of study.

Our childhood is never going to win any awards, but the obstacles we were forced to overcome have molded us to be resilient, stronghearted women. We both struggle with weight and body image issues, (but really, these days-- who doesn't?) But the core components of our personalities are compatible.

So, to make a long story short, I'm grateful for my little sister and for the bond that we are able to enjoy as adults. I think she's a pretty cool cat.

So I know it's father's day weekend, but those of you lucky enough to have a sister (or a half dozen of them, or even sisters of the heart) take a moment to hug them and tell them how happy you are they are in your life.

Poo Whisperer aka Baby Guided Breastfeeding & Allergen Testing

For the last week and a half I have been restricting my diet and hovering over my daughter's poo like it holds the secrets of the known universe.
It has been frustrating trying to decipher what's bothering her when I cannot communicate with her about what is going on inside her. All I get are messages in a bottle :)

It's especially disheartening when she is colicky and in distress, I try to let her know through tone and body language that I understand something isn't right and that I am trying to help her. But watching as she squirms and fails her arms around while trying to nurse just breaks my heart.

I had actually forgotten how pathetic she looked earlier last week, and how anxious and sorry it made me (I did eat the offending food, afterall). That is, until last night's episode and tonight.

I had forgotten because after 4 days off of eggs, soy and dairy she turned back to normal. Her poo was the right color, her eczema wasn't inflamed anymore and she slept 6-8 hours at night. This weekend felt good and I was excited to change her diaper and see the message of success.

But on Monday I tested eggs as our first food challenge. I had them for dinner Monday night and for lunch on Tuesday. By Tuesday night, the colickiness was back. This afternoon and evening the poo was back to icky mucousy green, and as I type this she is trying to nurse while squirming like a fish on a hook.

I am trying to let her guide when she eats and for how long. When the evil green poo first appeared it looked like a classic case of foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, so I stopped waking her up to eat and decided to be at her beck and call regarding feedings. This has been working out and I've enjoyed her schedule. But until I changed my diet the evil poo did not go away.

So yeah, I feel like this post is scattered, but I hadn't wrote in a while and I wanted to get an update out. I think she's allergic to eggs and I won't be eating any for a while and hope she will feel better by the weekend.

That's it for now as she just spit up all over me, Ahh... motherhood.

Just Like Little Critter?

Tonight will be a short post, just a little anecdote really...

When we want Zman to eat or get ready for bed or put something away we remind him that if he does what we are asking it will be just like when little critter does these things. We have done it often enough that if we ask him to do anything that vaguely resembles what little critter does in one of the stories his big blue eyes light up and he asks in an excited voice,"just like little critter?" It's adorable, and it can be hard to keep a serious face when we respond "just like little critter." It's made harder by how he pronounces critter (crid-der).

So thanks Mercer Mayer.

I'll catch up with you all tomorrow, stay classy blogland!

Beat Feet

Apparently, my sister, my friend, and I are all finding ourselves too hectic to visit blogland this week. Monday was the last post for any of us.

On Monday, while SweetPea and I went to our 6 week appointments, MDH took Zman for a nice long hike. It was such a relief to not have to juggle a hyperactive toddler and a fussy infant while having a physical exam. It's days like that where I really appreciate the partnership he and I have.

They visited Goodwin State Forest and hiked 5 miles, 2.8 of which Zman actually did on his own. I cannot express how proud I am of how active Zman is. I feel as though we are establishing lifelong habits for him that he will never have to struggle with. By the time he is old enough to have to make decisions about what he eats and how he spends his freetime, good choices will be second nature to him.

As part of my quest to be a good role model for him and SweetPea I myself took to the streets on Tuesday (well, the sidewalks really). When MDH got home from work in the midafternoon I took advantage of complimentary naptimes and ran for 1.3 miles in the blistering sun and heat. I ran in visual intervals, alternating running one block, power walking the next. I don't know my time as I left in a hurry so as to make it back before SweetPea began stirring, but I think it took somewhere around 15 minutes. I'm not a fast runner, and as of now, I do not enjoy it. I had to run without my music as I could not find my headphones in the limited time I took to get ready, which made the mile quite grueling.

I run because it seems to be the best cardio for weightloss for me, I can do it anytime I can fit it in, and it takes less time than driving to the gym and back to workout. But I certainly view it as work, a necessary evil. By taking Zef for walks and hikes and to the playground I hope that he will think of activity as just a part of his daily life. I know that it is easy to find activity for him now, and that keeping him active as he gets older will be more work, but that is why I love that he hikes; it is something that we can make harder and harder as he grows.

So here's to hoping the urge to beat feet will be strong in Zman and he won't have to struggle with his weight and activity as I have.

5 Ways to Create a 4th Trimester

Sorry for missing yesterday. I've been busy researching and reading.

SweetPea has not been feeling her mega mellow self this past week. I took her to her pediatrician this morning and he and I discussed her symptoms.

The end of the conversation sent me home with the verdict that she is still gaining weight (weighing in at 9 lbs 9 oz) but has reflux which is causing mild malabsorption (which really seems very slight as she is gaining) resulting in colicky behavior and baby eczema.

The game plan? Monitor her, rub rather than pat her back and try to keep her tilted up during and after feedings. Keep her eczema away from fragrances and dyes, keep it moisturized with lanolin and give her baths daily when she has been very sweaty.

Since her poo doesn't have blood in it, it's too soon to be certain she is having an allergic reaction. Being that I'm not keen on making my baby suffer until she bleeds, I would rather be proactive. The only way to know for sure is to cut soy and dairy from my diet for 2-4 weeks and see if the issues disappear. So today is day one of my soy/dairy free diet.

I'm hopeful that this will not be the case and it will turn out to just be a phase of her getting used to her body's functions.

I hope this because I read reports of recent studies that suggest that colic occurs because newborns miss the stimulus of the womb. Compared to other mammals, human babies are born much earlier in their developmental process. This can make them freak out when their bodies are doing routine stuff like passing food through their intestines. This adjustment time is known as the 4th trimester.

The suggestions to aid a baby who is anxious during this time are the 5 Ss. These maneuvers calm a colicky baby by replicating the comfort of the womb.
1- swaddle
2- side or stomach position
3- shush sounds
4- sway
5- suck

Aside from the fact that I am not currently shushing, all are in play as I write this post.
:)

I'm thinking this is my last feeding for tonight so I will close my post here.

Tomorrow I will fill you in on what MDH and Zman did all day while SweetPea and I were dealing with all this fun stuff!

Good Beginnings

You're a mom, from the minute they place that slimy, wiggling, screeching life form on your chest, you get to be called mommy. You get the 2 am feeding, the diapers full of explosive poo, the inconsolable crying jags, and the spit-up that never seems to end. But you also get the quiet moments and little arms around your neck that tell you that you are the most important person in their world.

I don't mean to knock fatherhood, they get their share too, but there is just something about being a mom that is like a dilithiam crystal in your system. The power planted in your chest by the adoration in your child's eyes fuels the longest of voyages. It makes you capable of getting up at all hours of the night, of pacing the floor or rocking until your arms go numb and still getting the housework done. In return for that power all your child asks is for you to do your best by them.

There is a lot to love about being a mom but my favorite has to be the bonding time I get from breastfeeding. It grantees me alone time with my new little baby. But more than that, it is a decision I can be proud of. Breastfeeding was difficult in the beginning with Zman, I stayed an extra day in the hospital, had to pump every hour to encourage my milk to come in and 4 days out of the hospital I finally gave in and saw another lactation consultant. I was stressed out beyond anything I had ever experienced, I wasn't sleeping, he was screaming all the time from hunger and I was giving him formula or expressed colostrum through a tube placed in a nipple shield to mimic nursing. The visit saved my sanity, Carol patiently instructed me over and over until my hands learned the movements. Even then, when I got home I found the tears pouring down my face as he fussed and fought while I tried to feed him.

I stuck with it though, when it was particularly difficult I reminded myself of the antibodies he was getting from my body, the quality of our bonding (which I had only experienced briefly up until that point) and how much healthier breasted babies are throughout childhood. Since he had formula from the start he was never exclusively breastfed, but I took pride in every inch and every ounce he gained, knowing it was I who was providing the building blocks of his body.
The pride is even greater this time around, SweetPea has never had a drop of anything other than what has come from me.

Life is about decisions, motherhood even more so. I hope that every woman who is able, chooses to seek the same joy I have found. It may be tough and this society only makes it more so, and to combat, I only say reach out. Don't give up easy, help is out there, when it does seem impossible persevere by keeping your mind on the good beginnings you get to provide.

Bicycles, Bushes and Bad Influences

Friday's post... sorry it's late, I passed out as soon as SweetPea fell asleep :)

Today was a wonderful day with the kids. At 10 we took a walk down to the park. SweetPea slept in the stroller and Zman walked carefully beside the stroller and listened diligently when I told him to stop and wait.

That said, I was quietly fuming at how negligent other adults were around us. They were such bad influences for Zman.
As Kimmy or anyone who spent time with me in Boston or Glasgow can attest, I am a champion traffic dodger.I almost never wait for the signal at the crosswalk. But I'm not alone anymore. I'm trying to teach my son good city walking rules. We wait at every intersection for the walk signal. It makes a simple walk to the bank and back take 45 minutes but the repetition of safe crosswalk behaviors make it more likely that he will perform these actions when he is old enough to walk around on his own.
As we waited for the walk signals adults would blaze past us and nearly knock Z over. When the signal would indicate it was safe to cross cars would still turn across the walkway. Most were turning right, but one brazen jerk turned left on red in a squeal of tires on walnut street.

But the intersections weren't the only problem areas. As we walked down the sidewalk we had to dive out of the way of grown men riding their bikes on the sidewalk. This was only made more difficult by the lack of responsible lawn ownership displayed by many homeowners along our path. If you have a bush to divide your property from the road it is your responsibility to keep it trimmed. My poor son is going to think all bushes will make you itchy because I kept having to scootch him away from poison ivy that was growing up unkempt branches. And don't even get me started on the dog poo. I should be able to write a citizen citation to every dog owner who lets their beast poop and doesn't pick it up!

The walk may have been a trial, but it was so worth it. The day was gorgeous and Z thoroughly enjoyed playing with his Scotland friends.

After lunch we hit up the Lutz children's museum for the second time this week. Before we left Z tried to take a rest (actual napping was unlikely) and when I opened his bedroom door I found him playing with the baby powder; there was "snow" all over the floor!

The time at the lutz was fun, Z climbed into bed with yet another little girl.(I know, what am I teaching this kid ;) ?) He even took his shoes off and made her do the same, it really was rather cute. His lack of nap did start to show in problems obeying commands and sharing so we packed it up and headed home.

We had dinner with my in laws per Friday night tradition. I made a huge chef's salad with Veggie protein deli ham-like slices.(My FIL is a vegetarian, so all Friday night meals are vegetarian). Z loves seeing them and MDH was able to get in an hour of playtime with Z before he had to put him to bed. Pottytime was attempted, but did not garner any stickers (more on Pottytime summer plans in another post).

All in all it was a pretty busy day, perhaps too busy. I think SweetPea would have benefited from being home in the afternoon were I could manipulate her feedings better, she is having trouble staying awake while nursing and the result is she isn't getting enough high-fat milk. It is something I can remedy at home, but it is harder to focus on that in a public environment.

This weekend promises to be packed, MDH is gone helping a friend move so it's just me and the kids, we're going to go visit my family so Zman can see faces other than mine all day long. We shall see how it goes!!

Working Hard For The Money

Before I get too far into my stay-at-home mom experience I want to explain why it is a novelty to me. To be perfectly clear, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH STAY AT HOME MOMS. If they enjoy it, that is their prerogative. Every parent approaches childrearing in their own way and my opinions are just that, opinions. Every family has its own dynamic and what follows are just from my own life experiences.

I love my children, dearly, but I do not think I would ever want to be a SAHM. I partly believe this for the same reason I believe it's not in me to retire early. I love my job, I love molding young minds and teaching discipline and responsibility, I love fighting the good fight in my classrooms every semester: mounting a defense for liberal arts curriculum to each and every single student. But it's more than just a love of my job that makes me think that SAHMhood isn't for me.

When the kids are home with me they do not really get socialization in a true sense. I can bring them to playgroup or arrange playdates, but they do not get to experiment with who they are separate from me. I'm there, in the corner of their eye, looking over what they say and do. If they are frustrated with me it will come out in their behavior with others. Being away from me makes them respect other authority figures as well. They can get a better idea of who they are as an individual and not be just my child, an extension of me.

I believe that time apart from each other on a schedule benefits both of us in fact. I too need time to be someone other than Zman's mom. To remember who I am as an individual. Some parents go out socially, drink and party to establish that boundary. I feel no need to do those things because working is enough of an outlet for me. It makes me appreciate my time at home more. Most importantly time away while I'm at work keeps me positive, I can see the cuteness in repetitive question asking, whereas if I spend every waking moment with that behavior I tend to snap back. Going to work makes me a better mom.

Granted, half of my work is done at home, as I am only really apart from them for on ground teaching, I take my grading home and get it done after bedtime. So, in a technical sense I'm a part-time SAHM. But this summer is an experiment for me. I will be home with both kids around the clock, seven days a week; a true SAHM.

I have activities lined up for the weekdays. Toddlers thrive on structure and I don't want to undo all the good that daycare has done for Zman by making him anxious all summer long not knowing the rules and what to expect. I've planned adult contact for myself; a benefit of having young children is they don't go places without their parents. I'm hoping to keep an even keel, but for all those reasons I do enjoy being a working mom, I am worried about how the summer will go.

Our family adventures in SAHM land will be cataloged weekly, and by end of summer we all should have a clearer picture of what it means to be a SAHM.

Blogging with one hand behind my back (its actually supporting my breastfeeding daughter)

Recently, I wrote a guest post for my sister's blog. I did it by typing one handed into my phone while nursing my daughter. I wrote it in spurts over the course of a day, and found the exercise a fun distraction. So fun in fact that I decided that I wanted a little slice of blogland to call my own...
Welcome my new virtual home. I've taken up residence here for the summer at least. I can't promise to post regularly when I go back to work full time, but like any good summer cottage occupant, I will try to kick back with a frosty lemonade here everyday while I play at being a stay at home mom (SAHM).
I suppose any good neighbor takes the time to introduce themselves, so my premiere post will do just that.
Like many women, I wear a few hats :) I'm a mother, wife, professor, sister, friend, and all around go-to gal. I've got a head full of opinions and on a good day I can even express them while being quite witty. My darling husband (MDH) and I have been together for about a third of my life, we met in highschool, dated a couple of times but in general were close friends. We got together seriously in college, married in 2007 and had our son, Zman in November of 2008. Our lovely daughter, who for now I will simply call SweetPea, was born in April of this year.
I teach Literature and Composition at 2 area colleges, and try to be active in my local theater group when time permits.
Blogs in the works include posts about being a stay at home mom, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, weight loss, running, books, and updates on the daily lives of myself and my kiddos for family living far away.
I hope you'll feel free to stop by frequently and even leave comments, I'll even keep the plastic off the furniture so you can be comfortable :)